Staring at my future

I always wonder how people are able to get it right the first time whereas I have to work hard and try several times just to get one thing right. Now, that's my insecure self talking again. Recently, she is coming out of the closet more often that is allowed and I don't like it much.

As I near the age where it is normal for most people to settle down, climb up the corporate ladder, start businesses, buy houses, and getting married or starting a family, I begin to do a retrospective review of what my life had been and where I am now. I am quite surprised with what I saw. I never expected my life to be a variety of friends, colleagues, jobs and location.

In the last seven years, I have had a total of eight employers, three of which were at the same time as a I was a part-time employee. In those eight employers, I wore four different hats. Different employers and different hats meant different groups of people each time. I have established connections and friendships from different parts of the country and from different professions and walks of life. For the last five years, I have moved to four different rental apartments in two different cities in Metro Manila. Sounds like crazy? I can't even begin to describe my life in the last seven years. All I can think of is, it looked like I have no direction. It seemed that I was living the life of someone who does not have an idea of who she is and what she wanted in life.

In as much as I hate to admit, it does not look that way, it seems that it is that way. I mean, for someone who had her life planned out before graduating from college, my life for the past 7 years was pretty messed up, big time! I never liked looking back in the past and analyzing the reasons for my past actions but recent events has caused me to rethink of my stance on the matter. Even after nearing the end of this post, I can't even begin to figure out, where do I begin in fixing up life, or does my life really need 'fixing' up? Yes, I guess it does but until I can figure out a way to fix it, I think I'm staying put.